back to that place.. that place I once was at..

tears shred unknownly.. always been so lost by the actions adults did. So many times I am so sick and tired of their so called 'doctrine' - so wrong and out of way. I don't understand how come what you intended for pleasure will change to have something to do with money. My heart sunk when things get back to that 'place' of leaving. But this time, I pray you will give me the courage and hardness to reject this person in my life.

Daddy you know how much I love this family. I remembered I prayed for reunion when I was young but just yesterday night, I prayed the opposite and today it almost happen. Somehow I hope it will be gone for good. I don't want to go through the same cycle ever again. I rather harden my heart not to care about their welfare then to experience the same thing. It hurts, somehow it does. Let it be gone for good, God. Never let it come back, never.. This place have been shattered to pieces, when I turned around, there's none to be found. No one is there and I feel so alone all this while. Alone to face the odds, to fight the terror of night, to cry, to experience all these unpleasant events. dave is gone, who's there to care for me? who to protect me in the place I am at?

firends.. do i owe any true ones? almost everyone got 'chasen' away by me - those i can talk to. all turned sour. is there any relationship that I hold on to is in good shape? none. even kinship it's ruined.

so tired of trying to beats the unknown. desire to let things be better but always got hit by the wall. I do believe your promises but only for others not mine. Faith dripped away every second.. it's nearly can't see that it will turn around good for me. some say when I can't see your hand, trust your heart. hold me close. somehow I don't really desire to stay at this place. I do know you wants us to honor those around us and love them like you do. The hurts is deeper than the love I once had for them. hope.. for long turn to despair.. promises too long too far turn out to be a far away un reachable thing.. who can i go to get all the answer to the quest? is it true that i will remain as what is it now?

Daddy.. Daddy.. a name I hold closely to my lip. Daddy my heart hurts, the pains travel to the bones deeply. Daddy oh Daddy, i'm back to that place.. I don't want to walk the dark path on my own. Can I run? Run to your embrace?