back to that place.. that place I once was at..
tears shred unknownly.. always been so lost by the actions adults did. So many times I am so sick and tired of their so called 'doctrine' - so wrong and out of way. I don't understand how come what you intended for pleasure will change to have something to do with money. My heart sunk when things get back to that 'place' of leaving. But this time, I pray you will give me the courage and hardness to reject this person in my life.
Daddy you know how much I love this family. I remembered I prayed for reunion when I was young but just yesterday night, I prayed the opposite and today it almost happen. Somehow I hope it will be gone for good. I don't want to go through the same cycle ever again. I rather harden my heart not to care about their welfare then to experience the same thing. It hurts, somehow it does. Let it be gone for good, God. Never let it come back, never.. This place have been shattered to pieces, when I turned around, there's none to be found. No one is there and I feel so alone all this while. Alone to face the odds, to fight the terror of night, to cry, to experience all these unpleasant events. dave is gone, who's there to care for me? who to protect me in the place I am at?
firends.. do i owe any true ones? almost everyone got 'chasen' away by me - those i can talk to. all turned sour. is there any relationship that I hold on to is in good shape? none. even kinship it's ruined.
so tired of trying to beats the unknown. desire to let things be better but always got hit by the wall. I do believe your promises but only for others not mine. Faith dripped away every second.. it's nearly can't see that it will turn around good for me. some say when I can't see your hand, trust your heart. hold me close. somehow I don't really desire to stay at this place. I do know you wants us to honor those around us and love them like you do. The hurts is deeper than the love I once had for them. hope.. for long turn to despair.. promises too long too far turn out to be a far away un reachable thing.. who can i go to get all the answer to the quest? is it true that i will remain as what is it now?
Daddy.. Daddy.. a name I hold closely to my lip. Daddy my heart hurts, the pains travel to the bones deeply. Daddy oh Daddy, i'm back to that place.. I don't want to walk the dark path on my own. Can I run? Run to your embrace?
Thursday, November 22
Friday, November 2
Dear Daddy
It has been tiring weeks, I felt so exhausted sometimes. Like little [N] who had found grace in your sight, I too, is sick of _____. If ever this is to be a battle to fight, let it be yours. No one knows better than you do
countless nights, sometimes with tears steaming down like river, watching how the sun rise right in front of me.. it can be quite hard-going The clock strikes at certain hour and when my heart trembles from within it's your name I called out. When it's dark and no one to be found though I can't see you physically, I know you are by my side. So many words that needed to release out. Facts and truths that certain people may need to know. Let me be honest and daring enough to reveal the truth. Yes, though I can't go round telling everyone about it but at least to you, I don't wish to harbour anything
Far as I may seem to be, I desire to be close in your embrace. Only in you can I find true peace, freedom, security and safety. So many uncertainties, unknown surroundings.. one thing I am certain about is this: my love for Thee is genuine. The beauty of heaven can still be found inside my heart. Indeed you are the Great I Am who still loves me dearly. You are the gentle loving Lamb and I also your are the Lion of Judah. Help me to be bold and courageous to approach
your throne found wanting to be in your presence. let me be that child who sought to be in her Daddy's loving embrace. Oh how I misses you, long to hug Thee tightly, resting my head on your solid tender shoulder. Bring me to that Garden where I always seat on your legs and glazed at your art-pieces. When the thunders strike at the wee hour, allow me to climb unto your bed to find peace in you
never let go my hands.. Help me to forget how to 'give up' but always remember how to 'cling on' Where will I be without you? The journey can be very tough-going but I know mercy and grace still flows from your throne. Fearful.. scary.. terrifying.. as much as I tried to step out... only you saw how I got freaked out of it.. You are the Great Physician. You helped [N] got out from years of attacks, surely you are more than able to break me free to enter into your freedom. It's tough, something that's beyond what my mind can ever think or imagine. The going gets tough, the tough gets going. No matter how hard it would be, help me to press in and pull through together with you, knowing that you are by my side always.. Let the weak says I am strong; let the poor says I am rich because of what you had done and is going to do. You are and will always be the stength of my heart! My portion is in you alone who had already won zillions of battles. Greater are you who's in me than he who is in the world. ..
A season like this... let me be bold and Still knowing you are in control of it
Love xuan
It has been tiring weeks, I felt so exhausted sometimes. Like little [N] who had found grace in your sight, I too, is sick of _____. If ever this is to be a battle to fight, let it be yours. No one knows better than you do
countless nights, sometimes with tears steaming down like river, watching how the sun rise right in front of me.. it can be quite hard-going The clock strikes at certain hour and when my heart trembles from within it's your name I called out. When it's dark and no one to be found though I can't see you physically, I know you are by my side. So many words that needed to release out. Facts and truths that certain people may need to know. Let me be honest and daring enough to reveal the truth. Yes, though I can't go round telling everyone about it but at least to you, I don't wish to harbour anything
Far as I may seem to be, I desire to be close in your embrace. Only in you can I find true peace, freedom, security and safety. So many uncertainties, unknown surroundings.. one thing I am certain about is this: my love for Thee is genuine. The beauty of heaven can still be found inside my heart. Indeed you are the Great I Am who still loves me dearly. You are the gentle loving Lamb and I also your are the Lion of Judah. Help me to be bold and courageous to approach
your throne found wanting to be in your presence. let me be that child who sought to be in her Daddy's loving embrace. Oh how I misses you, long to hug Thee tightly, resting my head on your solid tender shoulder. Bring me to that Garden where I always seat on your legs and glazed at your art-pieces. When the thunders strike at the wee hour, allow me to climb unto your bed to find peace in you
never let go my hands.. Help me to forget how to 'give up' but always remember how to 'cling on' Where will I be without you? The journey can be very tough-going but I know mercy and grace still flows from your throne. Fearful.. scary.. terrifying.. as much as I tried to step out... only you saw how I got freaked out of it.. You are the Great Physician. You helped [N] got out from years of attacks, surely you are more than able to break me free to enter into your freedom. It's tough, something that's beyond what my mind can ever think or imagine. The going gets tough, the tough gets going. No matter how hard it would be, help me to press in and pull through together with you, knowing that you are by my side always.. Let the weak says I am strong; let the poor says I am rich because of what you had done and is going to do. You are and will always be the stength of my heart! My portion is in you alone who had already won zillions of battles. Greater are you who's in me than he who is in the world. ..
A season like this... let me be bold and Still knowing you are in control of it
Love xuan
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